Evolution of The Bump

Yesterday, while putting gas in my car, there was a very pregnant woman on the other side of the pump, and for a short moment, I longed for my bump. It's hard to believe that it's already been six months since I was pregnant with Sully. Only six short months since it was just the two of us and the bump, a time when our lives were so different. Evenings to do what we pleased with, sleeping in on the weekends, a day spent running errands, anything on a whim. Life was sweet, but it's sweeter now.

I remember saying to my husband on the night before Sully was born, how weird it would be to not be pregnant anymore. To have spent 10 months growing and nurturing this little being inside of me, already so in love with him despite never having met him yet. How is that even possible, I wondered, still wonder, some days? From that moment you find out your pregnant, to watching your belly expand at sometimes alarming rates, worried that your skin cannot possibly stretch any further, to all the little elbow and knee jabs, punches and kicks that would take my breath away, not from pain, but from complete awe that a tiny little person was not only growing inside of me, but making sure I knew it! How can you love someone so unconditionally when you haven't even met them yet?

My pregnancy wasn't a total walk in the park. There was a lot of hip and joint pain, especially near the end. And the shortness of breath that never let up, was difficult at the best of times, to say the least, but overall, I really enjoyed being pregnant. And not just for the reasons I mentioned above. I loved that for once, I wasn't self-conscious about wearing tight clothing because flaunting a belly bump is way more fun than flaunting a cheeseburger induced one. I loved how, at my job, when I would visit elderly clients, they would delight in the fact that I was pregnant, regardless of how well they knew me. Perfect strangers seemed friendlier, smiling at me, nodding hello, silently acknowledging that my being pregnant brought a sense of happiness to them and that the promise of new life was an exciting time. I engaged people when they wanted to know how far along I was, did I know if it was a boy or a girl, was it my first child. It was my pregnancy, my aches and pains, my joyful journey, but I let other people be a part of it which only enriched the entire experience for me.

When we first found out I was pregnant, we set out to take a picture once a week to document my ever-expanding belly, and while that seems like an easy task, it wasn't. We missed a few weeks here and there, for one reason or another. Usually because my hair wasn't done that day, but mostly because we would get lazy. It wasn't as easy as just snapping one picture. My poor husband had to put up with my numerous requests to re-take the same photo over and over until I was happy with it. The lighting was never the same and the camera we used often did wonky things, but I'm glad we captured the bump regardless of the imperfect pictures we have. Photographers we are not, but it's the memories, in the end, that matter.

Currently...

Reading:  A whole mishmash of books. I can't seem to finish a book, so I have several on the go: The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems, Baby-led Weaning, and An Abundance of Katherines by John Green. (This doesn't include past books I'm still working on finishing…The Happiest Baby on the Block, Listen to the Squawking Chicken and The Kind Diet). I was really hoping that An Abundance of Katherines would a quick, fun read, but it's not grabbing me at all. John Green fans out there, does it get better? I'm about 100 pages in and struggling to bring myself to pick it up to read anymore.

On Repeat: When Love Breaks Down by Snow Patrol. Had we not recently watched the film, I Give it a Year (so good by the way - highly recommend it if you like British comedy), I wouldn't even know it existed.

Watching: We FINALLY finished Lost. Like I mentioned before, we lost momentum in the last season, but it was nice to finish it off. My mind is still running through the whole series, trying to make sense of everything that happened. I felt so emotionally drained the few days following the very last episode - so much to process! And it's always sad to say goodbye to characters you've invested so much time into. (Sawyer - you're the best character ever and we miss you!). We aren't starting a new series until we finish up some ongoing projects around the house, but in the meantime, we have How I Met Your Mother to keep us entertained.

Obsessed with: Do you ever intentionally keep things on your Facebook or Twitter feed just for the drama it provides? I don't know why I do this, but it's like a car wreck - it's hard to look away (or block in this case). I joined the Baby-led Weaning Facebook group and my word, I have never seen such a mean-spirited, unsupportive group of women before in my life! People are constantly being attacked for asking simple questions and most of the threads are spent with people spewing passive-aggressive and negative comments back and forth at each other. A lot of it is due to people not knowing how to incite tone into their comments, but still! I'll give myself the rest of the week to enjoy the drama, and then I'll leave the group. Promise.

Eating: We're starting to seriously rethink our eating habits as we get ready to introduce solids into Sully's diet. I don't want to turn into a parent that eats food that is good enough for me, but not for baby. We should all eat healthful, nutritious foods, not just Sully. And I truly believe that being a good role model when it comes to living a healthy lifestyle starts at home. Monkey see, monkey do.

Looking forward to: Sully's first tooth cutting through! Teething is a bitch, I tell ya.

Your turn! Tell me two things you're currently up to in the comments below! 
Or feel free to do your own Currently post and leave me the link so I can check it out!

Crib Notes Vol I

It's true when they say that motherhood (parenthood) is a journey, and I've found that you really don't know what kind of parent you are going to be until you are one. At least that was the case for me. I've talked a bit about my feelings on co-sleeping and how I ended up finding myself as a co-sleeping parent, and for the record, I still feel 100% strongly for co-sleeping, if that's the route one wants to go (but also pass no judgement on those who don't co-sleep). So some of you might be surprised to hear that for the past month, Sully has slept in his crib every single night. No, this wasn't planned and I really did nothing to prepare for this change, it just kind of happened. And to be honest, I have mixed feelings about it. He still comes into bed with us in the mornings (and the odd night if no one is getting any sleep), but it seems he really loves sleeping in his crib.

Shortly before Sully started sleeping in his crib at night, I read this beautiful blog post reflecting on the intimate moments of nighttime feedings and I actually felt a little sad that I wasn't in a position to write such a post as we were co-sleeping. But then, when Sully started sleeping in his crib, I was inspired by Whitney to journal about the transition and the emotions I was going through during this time.

I'm choosing to share this with all of you because it marked a big milestone in my journey as a mother and I don't ever want to forget it. And maybe it will resonate with one of you out there, just like the above post did for me. And sometimes, that's what blogging is all about.

*****

These journal entries haven't been edited in efforts to maintain their genuineness at the time of writing them.

 

[July 21]. Tonight I put you down in your crib at night for the first time ever. You were getting fussy while nursing and I just needed a moment to myself. It was around 10:30 p.m. and I didn't really think you were going to stay asleep when I laid you down, but you did. It was a weird moment for me. I felt liberated to do anything I wanted, but also sad that you accepted being in your crib so easily. I watched the video baby monitor like a hawk, waiting for any sign of you waking up. I eventually fell asleep sometime after midnight. At 1:45 a.m. you let out a bit of a cry and I jumped out of bed faster than I ever have before. You were on your stomach and your head was against the side of the crib, so I think you may have woken yourself up. I scooped you right up and brought you into bed with me, your little hands clutching at my neck. Enough of your crib for now, little one.

*****

[July 22]. I rocked you in my arms until you were almost asleep tonight. I love watching as your eyelids get heavy and your breathing slows as your little body succumbs to sleep. Around 9:30 p.m. I laid you in your crib, not entirely convinced that you were going to let me as your eyes were still slightly open. The minute your limp body touched the mattress, you let out a little sigh and spat your soother out. Again, I kept my eyes on the video monitor like a hawk. I was quite surprised by how much you moved around in your crib, but you never woke up. I ended up going in around 11:00 p.m. and 12:30 a.m. to pop your soother back in your mouth. You slept in your crib until 4 a.m. When I went in to get you, you were again on your stomach. I brought you back to bed with me and you fell asleep after a quick feed.

*****

[July 23]. You spent the evening with your daddy so I could go play soccer. When I came home, we nursed and rocked in your chair upstairs and I laid you down in your crib at 10 p.m. I had to go in an hour later and re-rock you, but then you slept till almost 4 a.m. Part of me is so proud of you for taking to your crib so easily (like I knew you would!), but I also miss you.

*****

[July 24]. Longest stretch yet tonight! For you, not me. I kept waking up to check on you on the monitor and each time you were fast asleep. Then the huge storm outside woke me up at 5 a.m. and I peeked in your room to check on you. You were fast asleep so I let you be, despite my entire being wanting to scoop you up and snuggle.  You woke up 45 minutes later and I brought you into bed with me. I will never, ever tire of the look and huge grin you give me when I come into your room in the morning. 

*****

[July 25]. It seems you like to sleep on your tummy. The first time you flipped over I worried that I should go in and flip you onto your back, but I didn't dare wake you. Eventually I took my chances and you never even stirred. Then you flipped again and I again flipped you back. This went on a few more times until I went to bed myself. You woke up around 3:15 a.m. and instead of bringing you into bed with me, I fed you and you went right back to sleep in your crib. You woke at 6:45 and again you were on your tummy.

*****

[July 27]. Longest stretch yet. In bed by 8:45 p.m, quick feed at midnight as I could not get  you to settle back down and then I never heard from you again until 6:45 a.m.! Brought you into bed at that point and we nursed and slept for a few more hours.

*****

[August 4]. One of our toughest days to date. Naps were not happening today, in my arms or anywhere else, despite many, many attempts. At one point I finally got you to fall asleep on the sheepskin rug in front of your crib, but you only slept for 20 short minutes. Come nightfall, while obviously cranky and sleepy, you weren't interested in going to sleep at all. I tried nursing you, rocking, singing, rubbing your back, but nada. Finally, after you fought even being held in my arms, I placed you upright against my chest and instantly I felt your little body relax and give in to the sleep you were so desperate for. I held you for a long time, burning to memory every little detail - the way your head fit so perfectly onto my shoulder, your deep sighs as you fell further into sleep, your one little hand grasping loosely at my cheek, the other arm hanging limp against my body. I hugged you tight, kissed you many times before finally laying you down in your crib and wishing "stay little, little one".