If Procrastination Was a Game, I'd Be Winning.

So needless to say, I haven't been blogging lately. And I haven't even really been reading. I am in a rut you guys. I blog all the time in my head, but when I have the time to sit down at the computer, I just don't have the energy to type all those thoughts out. It's not necessarily that I have a lack of free time in which I could read or blog, it's that when my plate is full, I'm tired, so instead I read other people's blog, waste time on Facebook and Twitter and play games on my phone. Actually, I've played a lot of games on my phone this past month. A lot. I know many people have a ton on their plates and are able to find balance, but I am not one of those people. When I have a lot on my plate, things like blogging, reading, cooking and house-work get neglected, and sometimes I have a hard time digging myself out of the rut I've fallen into.

This is all I want to do when I get home from work most days.

Here's a quick break down (list of excuses) as to why I've been not-blogging and not-reading:

• I've been working two jobs. And yes, I appreciate that lots of people work two jobs, but this is about me here. For the past year I've been working part-time at a bookstore. I started one casual nursing position back in August, but once orientation was over, it didn't amount to any actual shifts. So I started another casual nursing position in October which has me working lots of orientation shifts and attending lots of learning work shops AND has the potential for me to pick up lots of shifts once I'm done orientation. It's fantastic, but very overwhelming! And trying to juggle that schedule with working odd-hour shifts at the bookstore was just getting to be too much. Not to mention I have a husband who apparently would like to spend more time with me and a dog that appreciates being walked everyday.  I NEED STRUCTURE TO THRIVE. I like routine. Routine allows me to be productive. For some reason, when I have no routine, that is when I become the master of procrastination and wasting time. So, sadly, it was time to let the bookstore job go and focus on my nursing career again. I have one shift left next week. While I will miss the bookstore tremendously, I am excited to not have the stress of trying to juggle both jobs.

• I've started to over think my blogging and as I have gained more readers, I have become more insecure in my writing abilities. I am NOT a writer, I know this! BUT, I love books, and I do really love blogging. I need to stop treating my posts like book reports - over analyzing every little word and punctuation mark.

• I am so behind in writing about the books I've read in the past 2-3 months that I am overwhelmed just thinking about writing about them. When I'm overwhelmed, I procrastinate even more. I know I could just skip the books I've read and start anew from present day, but I want to talk about those books. 

• Jim has been bringing home work to work on most nights lately, work which requires him to use our one and only computer.  Obviously work that brings home a pay check takes precedence over blogging.

But wait, I have a plan! And writing said plan down is the first step, right?

Brie's plan to dig out of laziness and procrastination rut (because really, don't laziness and procrastination go hand in hand?):

1. Start writing what pops into my head and no looking back. I enjoyed The Grapes of Wrath readalong so much because I just wrote. No over analyzing, not much proof-reading, just write and post. Which I would also think reflects the true me because I'm writing without thinking about it too much.

2. Catch up by writing mini posts on all the books I've read but haven't talked about on the blog. This is important to me to do because part of the reason behind starting this blog was to work on remembering the books I read.

3. Bring back Saigon Sundays. Mostly because my sister keeps asking about them, but also because I love doing them.

4. Invest in a second laptop.

5. Inform husband about step #4.


Now I just have to stick to said plain...

The Grapes of Wrath The End: "And gradually the greatest terror of all came along."

It's been a month since we started The Grapes of Wrath readalong and sadly, today, it comes to an end. I'm not so much sad that the book is over, I'm really more sad that the readalong is over. And I'm really glad that I read this book with an awesome group of people, because it allows you to talk about all the WTF moments and depressing moments and the feeling sad moments. Really, if you haven't done a readalong before you, you really should.  Oh ya, and spoilers ahead. Obviously, because it's the end of the book! And WE MUST talk about the end of the book.

ANYWAY. The Grapes of Wrath has now been read in its entirety. And let me just get it out there - I DID NOT see that ending coming. But first, let's talk about the last 1/4 of the book!

When we last left off, the Joad's were still living in the government camp, enjoying the flushing toilets, hot water and daily baths. Well, they lived in said camp for about a month at which point there was no longer work for the men and food was pretty much scarce. Ma decides it's time to pack 'er up and hit the road to look for work:

Ma plunged the dish into the bucket. "We'll go in the mornin'," she said.

Pa sniffled. "Seems like times is changed," he said sarcastically. "Time was when a man said what we'd do. Seems like women is tellin' now. Seems like it's purty near time to get out a stick."

Silly Pa. We all know Ma is the boss. 

Rosasharn still hasn't given birth to her baby and she's craving dirt (most likely iron deficiency) and getting all snooty because she hasn't had milk in a long time, even though she was told by the "nurses" in the camp she should. Then she tells Ma that if Connie hadn't taken off, she'd be living in a house with all the milk she needs! (Delusional.) So Ma decides Rosasharn should have her ears pierced before she gives birth. Because that makes sense. 

So once Rosasharn's ears are pierced, the Joad's pack up and find a peach farm that is hiring pickers. It takes the poor family a whole day of picking just to earn one dollar which buys them just enough food for supper. The living conditions here are poor and the whole operation is run with strict enforcement - almost like a prison.  It was hard not to have a lump in my throat while reading this section - I just kept waiting for the bomb to drop.  WHERE IS THE BOMB, STEINBECK?

But then Tom decides to sneak out of the camp to explore and he runs into Casy! Yay, Casy! Except Casy has joined the strikers and while he's convincing Tom to convince his family to stop working, he gets his head bashed in. And then Tom get hit in the face, but manages to pick up the club and hit a guy on the head with it, killing him. It was all very sudden and a bit gory. And poor Casy. But luckily Tom is able to sneak back into the camp where he has to tell his family the truth. Now that his face is bashed up, he has to lie low and can't help his family pick peaches. When the Joad's realize how much trouble Tom is in if he gets caught, they decide to pack up again and sneak Tom out of the camp. 

Next stop: Cotton picking!  At this point, Tom decides he needs to hide in the brush until his face heals. And the rest of the Joad's get to pick cotton by day and live in a boxcar by night. Am I the only one that thought boxcar meant a little wooden car, and was thinking how the hell do entire families sleep in a boxcar? Are you on drugs, Steinbeck? Ya, me neither.

Boxcar in Brie's head

Boxcar like the Joad's would have lived in.

But then silly Ruthie gets in a fist fight with some kids and like typical kids, they start threatening to get their older brother's to beat them up at which point Ruthie blabs about her having a brother who's killed two people. Ma knows Tom can't come back now, even once his face his healed, so she gives him some money and we never hear of him again.

And then the RAIN comes. But it doesn't just rain, it pours. Literally. It rains so much that fields are wiped out, families living arrangements are threatened by flooding, and everybody and everything is soaking wet. And this means there are no jobs and therefore no food. And really, is there even hope anymore at this point?

Of course, this is when Rosasharn goes into labour. And while the men are outside in the pouring rain, trying to build up a bank to prevent the streams from flooding their boxcars, Rosasharn gives birth to a stillborn. WHICH, I think is a good thing, because I'm pretty sure raising a baby at a young age, all on your own back in those days wasn't easy (or acceptable in most people's eyes). Unless your a widow. Then I think most folks just pity you.

At this point, we only have a few pages left. And I'm thinking, how can this all end in a few pages?! Is Steinbeck going to have everyone DROWN!?

Spoiler: No one drowns. But the water keeps coming and the boxcars are flooding, so the Joad's wade out to find dry ground. They come across a barn on the other side of the road, but they quickly realize they aren't alone in the barn. In the corner is a young boy with his starving, dying father. But no one has any food, let alone milk (milk seems to be the answer for sickly people in this book) and so Ma and Rosasharn share a knowing look and Ma ushers everyone out to the tool shed. AND THEN ROSASHARN BREASTFEEDS THE DYING MAN. And she strokes his hair, whispers "there, there", and smiles mysteriously. Mysteriously? Why mysteriously? THE END.

Ok, ok, I get there's some underlying symbolism here that I'm failing to grasp, like there's still hope even though life is shit, but COME ON. Well, Steinbeck, if you were going for shock factor, mission accomplished!

I'm not sure what I was expecting to happen (see first gif), but I was hoping for a little more closure at the end of the book - like some epilogue of the Joad's finding steady work, renting a small home, having enough food to eat, etc, etc. But I guess that would be too neat and tidy and hope is always the best ending, right? Well at least everyone's still alive (minus the people that previously died I mean). Although, if we're going to be all honest here, I am a little disappointed that Tom never got caught breaking his parole. I felt like there was so much foreshadowing for this, but I guess him having to leave his family and fend for himself at the end was punishment of itself.

In conclusion, I WILL MISS YOU READALONG peeps. Let's do this again real soon!

The women watched the men, watched to see whether the break had come at last. The women stood silently and watched. And where a number of men gathered together, the fear went from their faces, and anger took its place. And the women sighed with relief, for they knew it was all right-the break had come; and the break would never come as long as fear could turn to wrath. 

The Grapes of Wrath Part III: "Our people are good people; our people are kind people"

Well. It's Tuesday again. Which means we're 3/4 of the way through The Grapes of Wrath readalong! I'm sorry to those of you who haven't been able to follow along because of the spoilers and I swear I didn't plan on only posting about the wrathful grapes this month. Lucky for you, we only have one week left of these Steinbeckian shenanigans.

So last time we left off, poor Granma had died and The Joad's had just crossed over into California. Here's what's been going on since then:

First of all: NO HUMAN OR ANIMAL DIED OR WAS KILLED in this part!! High five, Steinbeck!

So, Steinbeck paints us a pretty bleak picture of California. One in which there are more people than jobs and more mouths to feed than there is food. The people out West are basically threatened by the folks from out East. The more hungry men looking for work, the less money said man is willing to work for. Which pretty much fucks everyone over because then no worker can bargain for more money once those standards have been lowered. The fruit trees bear more fruit than can be eaten before everything spoils. People are starving but charity is not an option. It's a freakin' losing battle.

"There is a crime here that goes beyond denunciation. There is a sorrow here that weeping cannot symbolize. There is a failure here that topples all our success. The fertile earth, the straight tree rows, the sturdy trunks, and the ripe fruit. And children dying of pellagra must die because a profit cannot be taken from an orange. And coroners must fill in the certificates-died of malnutrition-because the food must rot, must be forced to rot."

No one can eat this here food.

Then we have the LONGEST.CHAPTER.EVER: Chapter 20.  But lot's of things happen. The Joad's get their first real taste of Cali. They're starting to get it - that there aren't jobs-a-plenty afterall. Life in the camps is sketchy. No one has any food, everyone is starving and the police are scaring everyone. Then Steinbeck decides it's time to whittle down the character-load again.  So we see Connie wander off when he realizes he made a big mistake coming to California and just needs to "get on his feet", and leaves his pregnant girlfriend behind. No one goes after Connie. A scuffle breaks out in the camp, the police show up, and Tom forgets (FORGETS?!) that he's on parole so Casy takes the fall for him and gets hauled off to jail.

Connie gets the hell outta dodge.

The Joad's know they can't stay in their current camp and when they catch wind of a government camp they quickly head out. This camp is too good to be true, guys. It's clean and orderly. There's running water, flushing toilets, hot water, committee's, Saturday night dances. And as luck would have it, there was ONE available spot when the Joad's showed up. How's that for convenience?

There's only about a hundred pages left in the book...I'm nervous to see how Steinbeck is going to wrap things up. Everything seems to be going along ok right now. I mean, besides the lack of jobs. Who'll wander off next? Will we see Casy again? What about Alfred the turtle? Noah? Connie?