December 28, 2016

Oh Baby: 39 Weeks

Well, this is it. My very last bump update. As I sit here writing this, in about 12 hours, my alarm will be going off signalling that it's time to get up and get over to the hospital. It's such a weird thing - setting your alarm to go have your baby, and just like with Sully's delivery, it won't really feel 100% real until we are at the hospital and heading into the OR.
39 Weeks Pregnant
Last week, I was so ready physically, to have this baby. But funnily enough, the past several days I've been the most comfortable I've been in weeks. Or maybe the chaos of Christmas and tidying up and doing laundry, etc, distracted me enough from the fact that I am 39 weeks pregnant. Either way, the thought that come tomorrow, I will have two children, is so surreal. You spend so many weeks and days being pregnant, watching your belly grow, adapting to the physical changes and anxiously awaiting to meet your new baby, and sometimes it feels like that day is never going to come! But here I am, about to have my life completely change again tomorrow.

I feel so unprepared in some ways. Unprepared to breastfeed around the clock again. Unprepared to be woken up several times a night and function on little to no sleep. Unprepared to care for a newborn and a toddler.

And I'm also scared. Scared to have another surgery. Scared to have another incision and have to let it heal. Scared that I won't have the patience to be the best mother to both my children. Scared that I won't know how to ask for help when I need it, or to accept it when it's offered. In some ways I'm comforted by the fact that I've already had a c-section and know what to expect for the most part, but sometimes too much knowledge is scary too.

And then there's Sully. I'm so, so excited for him to be a big brother, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about how he's going to take it. We had a very trying week with him: lots of meltdowns and temper tantrums and bad behaviour. I'm not sure if it's just a case of the terrible twos, or if he's more aware of the changes that are about to take place than we give him credit for. Or maybe it's a combination of the two. Thankfully, at least I know he will be in good hands with his Nanny and Papa while Jim and I are in the hospital with the new baby.
39 Weeks Pregnant
Anyway, this pregnancy has just flown by, as I knew it would. Sure, some of the days were dreadfully long, but it doesn't feel very long ago that we found out I was pregnant. And, as terrified and unprepared as I feel, I'm also looking forward to starting this new chapter of our life, getting out of maternity clothes, getting back into shape (one day) and living and enjoying life as a family of four.

Thank you to everyone who has sent me messages today, wishing me all the best for tomorrow and letting me know you're thinking of me and baby. Your thoughts and support mean the world to me! xoxo

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